Family of 4 Plus More: MGA

Monday, January 21, 2013

Miss Ghetto America 2013

It's that time of the year again people. Miss Ghetto America time! This is something that my family and I have gotten together to do for the last 7 years. Wow! It's hard to believe it's been that long and yet I've only brought the darn crown home once!! You can read about other years here and here.

We received our official paperwork a few days before the event. If I weren't so lazy, I'd scan the paperwork so that you could see it. It's hilarious! There's a write up about each contestant. I think mine said something about not being afraid to take a bitch out to bring that crown home with me. {And by the way, I'm not!} It really is funny. We also get a schedule of events for when the smack talk can officially begin, the pig fest starts, when the draft starts, everything. It really is a ton of fun. Of course the smack talk starts way before we actually get to the party.

Every year, there is drinking. This year there was lots of drinking! One of the rules is that your wine glass must never be empty or you get a penalty shot (jello shot). There were a few violator's of this rule this year. Slackers! Other violations of the rules (equaling a shot) losing your sash pin (oops...guilty...I still claim I was robbed!), not putting on your provided slipper socks before receiving your local title and crown (guilty again), call a jello shot a "liquor shot" (come on Kaye, you really don't know what they're called by now!), Miss Delaware moving on or being eliminated (not so much a penalty but we have to support our state!) and any other reason we see the need for someone to have to take a shot. And there's always a champagne toast before we officially get down to business.

First things first though, we had to get our local titles and crowns!

Little Miss America.

Miss Will-Work-For-Beads

Miss Never-Gonna-Get-It (She's responsible for this whole thing and has yet to win!)

Miss Double Trouble

Miss Boxed Wine Beauty

Miss Paypal Princess

When we all had our crowns, it was time to pay up with some shots...

Then it was time to pick our girls. I was up first this time and it didn't help.

Kaye takes this stuff VERY seriously. Homegirl comes with notes every year on these girls and uses their first name like she personally knows them. I believe at one point she got a penalty shot for this! Hahaha! When it comes to the draft she is known for being all up in your space. I think she uses this tactic to get all up in your head. Not this year! I had to give her the stiff arm to back up!

Glammy Grammie gave everyone a pretty bracelet to celebrate the night. I promise I'll try to not lose this one, especially if it'll cost me a shot!

Kelly modeling our new bracelets

And to add to the fabulousness that we already have with this something was added this year. The winner now, not only gets the crown, sash, Bow Down Bitches t-shirt, but they get this fabulous cape as well!

If you read the others posts, you know that we have a board where we put our girls that move on to the next rounds to keep track of who's still in and how many girls they have in.

Watching the top 15? 16? Doesn't matter, I didn't have many!

So I'm at the top, you can see that this was bad for me from the start. Two girls to last through like 3 or 4 more cuts? Yup, not likely. As our girls get cut we take the hearts off until it's down to the end. First ones out get the coveted Cool Whip crown aka the Loser Crown.

And...it was a tie for the first ones out...Aimee and I. Booo!!! Aimee, fights for this crown every year! :-)

Clearly, I thought this was crap!!!

Aimee wasn't happy about it either!

This was Miranda's aka M&M's first year to come to the event and it just might be her last. Out of the top 5, she had 2 girls, as did Kaye and Kelly had 1.

The top 5

All my penalty shots, wines, and champagne make it hazy, but I think Kaye may have lost one girl next? Not sure, but I do know that Kelly aka Lil' Mama was the next to be devastated.

The suspense was killing us! Besides the bs that M&M still had two girls and The Shiz (Aimee) and I were out a bit ago, would Glammie Grammie (Kaye) take the crown for the third year in a row. She was told several times if she won again she would have to dress up as a turkey next year or she would just have to stay the hell home so the rest of us would have a better chance at winning.

It was finally down to the final 3 (yes, Miranda still had 2 girls in it. Crap! Her invitation is getting lost in the mail next year!!!) and Kaye was eliminated!!

So it was beginner's luck M&M took the grand prize and 1st runner up. Which is crap if you ask me!

After the competition the paparazzi steps in to take group photos. These are always fun because most of us are bitter. Hahaha.

Congrats to the reigning Miss Ghetto America 2013.

Until next year bitches!

Friday, January 27, 2012

Y3W: Miss Ghetto America

A couple Friday's ago I mentioned Miss Ghetto America. It's something I've done with my family/friends for the past 5 years. If you missed that post, you can find it here. For those that don't feel like back tracking we get together the night Miss America is on and have our own competition. We select the different states (like a fantasy football sort of thing) and we stay in the competition based on how our "girls" perform. Whoever has the state that was the real Miss America, wins Miss Ghetto America. And yes we have a real crown...this is serious people!!

Originally it was just required to wear sweats and be comfy. As the years have passed, the rule still stands to be comfy, but we've had a couple different "uniforms". One year it was an embroidered t-shirt, the next year we made our own ghetto fabulous shirts, and this year, the uniform was the Forever Lazy. Not a good look if you are concerned about your figure in pictures because those things make anyone look about 500 lbs!!

2 of the past winners...me and Kim

The other 2 past winners...Kelly & Kaye

The contestants laid out for our draft

The junk food feast, which is calorie free for the night!!

And the perfect drink of the night:

Or Sparkling Grape Juice for those who are pregnant...

And what the night is all about...

Taking home the crown!!

The night usually starts off with Jello Shots because who doesn't love those?!

(Aimee your welcome for leaving yours out...I don't want payback for your face!)

There's always rules you have to listen to. These rules can change at any time, though it's never helped me win!

Kaye giving me dirty looks when she's supposed to be listening!

Kelly listening very closely to the rules

After feasting on some junk food and having lots of good smack talk, it's time to get down to business and get our local titles and tiaras!

Little Miss America

Miss Prison Guard Princess

Miss Moonshine Mama

Miss Can't Fold 'Em Milford

Miss Morning Sickness Mama working that Forever Lazy!

Miss Iphone Addict, not facing the camera!

Then it's time for press photos of all the contestants together...

And don't forget the backs with our ghetto nicknames! Excuse the extremely large looking asses...like I said the Forever Lazy is comfy, not flattering!

Da Candi Shoppe, Lil' Mama, Pookie D, Glammie Grammie, and The Shiz

Now that eating and getting our titles is over, it's time for the draft! This is a very stressful time! Everyone used to get their own time at the table and now people are all kinds of hovering trying to get in your head so you won't pick one they want. And don't dare say, "I want Miss ____" because surely it will be snatched up quick!!

The Shiz got first round draft pick this year...didn't help her much though!

The draft is complete and these are my girls that can win me the crown!!

This is still when I was positive I was winning!

Finally, the show starts and the competition is on! At this point there is all kinds of smack talk going on and making fun of each others girls. They immediately cut the girls down to 15 and we start our top 15 board...

So I only have 3 chances to take the darn crown...that's better than Candi's one!


Lil' Mama won the Top 15 prize! Woot! Woot!

And then it's cut some more...

Top 10 Board, we're all still in!

These 2 ladies are my only hope!

And down to 5...this year we each had one girl left in the Top 5, that's never happened before!

When the current Miss America takes her final walk, our current Miss Ghetto America does the same. She uses this time to thank the little people, make threats, whatever works. Glammie Grammy took her title very seriously and decided to write a farewell speech. If I didn't know any better I would swear that I saw tears!